Spoilers be ahead, partner.

I am trying to write this out without sounding too dramatic, but oh my god. I just finished “Yesteryear ” by Caro Claire, and oh my god. I heeded the warnings that I would hate the protagonist but still slap a five star rating after I closed the book (or, in this case, put down my Kindle). I guess I thought it was going to be something like “All Fours” (also, oh my god). But, no. Instead, I closed my Kindle and immediately texted my old roomie letting her know I finished that shit and I felt down. Like watching a train hit a car on the tracks and now I have to move on with my day?

I opened my Notes app to quickly write down what was actually gnawing at me:

• Untreated and undiagnosed postpartum depression and psychosis.
• The evangelical thread throughout the book and in everything she does/says/feels.
• A collection of every kind of social media trad-wife influencer (Ruby Franke, Ballerina Farms) balled up into one character named Natalie.
• Rotten religion and its rotten roots.
• The overuse of social media and its power to glorify both the seen and unseen; the destruction of someone for the sake of feeling better about oneself.

Bullet by sad little bullet, let’s walk through it.

I am 11 months postpartum, so the untreated diagnoses were really hard to swallow. It’s like I could feel the darkness enveloping Natalie after her giving birth. But without the support or encouragement to seek help, she is swallowed whole. No one, besides a labor and delivery nurse, attempted to help. Also, as a side note, the author, as I confirmed, does not have children. I needed to research this after she wrote how a seven-month-old was crawling and then (same child) a one-year-old was starting solids. My lady, Caro – a bit more digging on child development is needed there.

Next up: the over-spiritualization of everything and rotten roots. This one is a little harder to write out. I identified with the way Natalie would spiritualize every single thing she did. When I was heavily involved with Church, her inner monologues were mine. I recently wrote something for a friend and described it as “manufactured guilt.” If I had a bad day, God was punishing me. If I felt good, I was in God’s favor. My everyday was governed by how God felt about me. Natalie, with no defined identity of self outside of scripture and what her mom expected of her or told her of the world, saw everything through a twisted evangelical filter. Her religion was rotten. I mean, stank rotten. I swear this could have easily been me if I didn’t wake the fuck up.

The collective consciousness of all the trad-wife – or “traditional wife” – influencers written throughout this book is what probably left me saddened the most. I personally do not follow their pages, but I know enough. The author very cleverly took a page from each of these women and wrote something that is very close to the truth. From the rich husband, to playing farm, to the many, many children, to the rejection of The Worldly things (see: MAHA, MAGA). I could not help but feel like I read a biography rather than a fiction novel.

Lastly, the overuse of social media. I relate to this one, too. The slick way I can so easily fall into the lap of social media, and feel like I am making relatable/watchable content. Sure, sometimes I just want to be funny and re-live a moment. But I then have to ask myself, “Hey, uh, does anyone actually care?” The answer is typically, if not always, a resounding no.

Unfortunately for Natalie, social media did not pair well with her mental illness, religious brain rot, lack of any real identity, and the desire to feel seen – even if absolutely faking it. I closed my Kindle and whispered, holy shit.

Then I deleted all my social media apps because I like to overreact, and gave that book a heated and hated five stars.

For anyone else who has read “Yesteryear” what are your thoughts? Comments? Are you now going to become an influencer? Are you an influencer already!?

xo