The Gift of Proximity

Previously posted on TinyLetter

My little summer fireflies,

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of spending an hour of my morning talking about what it means to have our worldviews disrupted by proximity. To give some background, the person I sat across from is very conservative. However, they are one of the only people I can have a meaningful conversation where it feels constructive rather than destructive. As we spoke, it became clear their viewpoints shaped mostly by talking points were now in question. Someone they know is up against their values and morals.

I could see the wheels turn in their mind about how their prejudices – said or unsaid – actually affect someone they know rather than the mythic monster that exists over there. 

One of the items I brought up during our time together was how proximity to the thing, whatever the thing might be, will always feel disruptive. After they joked that “Fox News is my Bible,” and I turned to the little Jesus on their desk and apologized to it, I told them my own story. I used to watch Fox News in the morning because that’s what my parents did. It shaped my world and my understanding of politics and religion. It wasn’t until I got deeply involved with serving the homeless that something changed in me. Suddenly, I was in proximity to the reality of humans who were not just the subject of terrible philosophy (see: Ayn Rand). I was seeing people whose options were so limited by circumstances and laws. I still vividly remember the day I chose no longer to watch Fox News.

What shifted in me was to be with humans at a fundamentally, uh, human level. I did not need anyone else telling me how to view humans. What I needed was to be present in and to a world filled with color.


Our conversation had a lot of “I just don’t understand” and I reminded them that that’s OK; we never have to fully understand one another. However, what is more important, is to remind ourselves that to be kind is to honor the humanity in each person. I truly believe the blatantly vile, fill-in-the-blank phobia we are seeing is (mostly) due to lack of proximity. There is fear-mongering among the masses and it is turning this world – not just this nation – into a dualistic tragedy. Dualism dies when we understand no one is a monolith, humans are multi-faceted, and it’s OK to exist in the gray (or purple and orange and yellow).

One of my favorite people is Alok Vaid-Melon. A poet, visionary, change-creator, and all-around amazing human. In their book “Beyond the Binary” Alok writes the following:

“This is how power works: It makes the actual people experiencing violence seem like a threat. Moving from a place of fear leads us to make harmful assumptions about one another. In our fear, we treat other people’s identities as if they are something that they are doing to us and not something that just exists.

The world we want is one in which all people, regardless of their appearances, are treated with dignity and respect – one in which these factors do not have a bearing on safety, employment, and opportunity. We want a world that acknowledges and appreciates the complexity of everyone and everything – one in which transformation is celebrated and not repressed. We want a world where people have an underlying worth….”

I left my conversation with this person knowing I did the best I could to advocate for a better humanity. I don’t believe I necessarily solved their moral dilemma, but I did remind them to love their neighbor.

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Namaste & More Proximity
xo b

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Recommendations:

1. Broad Ideas Podcast

– Madison Beer – I am always amazed at young people’s triumphs!
– Emily Browning – Emily speaks to so much about body image and depression

2. On Being

– Barbara Brown Taylor – on quitting church and bird-watching