One Day & In A Moment

Previously posted on TinyLetter

Hello – is anyone still here?

I haven’t written anything of value outside of an office-wide email noting dishes go in the dishwasher. My time has been so solely dedicated to my career that it has felt like trying to squeeze anything creative from me was like that scene from Christmas Vacation when, with so much excitement and stillness, Clark Griswald begins carving the turkey … only to find it full of hot air. That’s me; all hot air and puh sounds.

At least until now. While these creative phalanges have been down, I have been trying to keep my mind as active as I can through reflecting, podcasting, and conversing. I’ve reflected a lot on where I am in my relationship with religion; how, to some degree, I am not where I even was a year ago. I’ve listened to podcasts that have shaped me in new ways in my thinking and believing toward the world. And I have had countless conversations with family, friends, and coworkers that continue to help me evolve as a human. All three of these themes seem to make up this past year. 

And there seems to be one word that really brings it home: alignment.

I have never felt so aligned in my life before. While only 33 years into my little life, I know this won’t be the last time I write these words. However, it does feel important to note it. To pinpoint this mark in my history as a year where I felt aligned with who I am, what I am doing, and what I value. 

The notion of alignment came from a podcast I listened to with Dr. Gabor Mate. Like any person helping people on their journeys, he touched on happiness. But instead of talking about feeling fulfilled, he spoke about what it meant to be aligned. After I heard that particular word, there was something that clicked. Like a constellation coming together within me. I took a moment to try to understand. As I theoretically held my life before me, I saw how I felt so full in my humanity. As a person, a mom, wife, friend, and colleague, each of these important areas of my life felt very alive. 

For the first time in my life, I wasn’t playing a role. I was just showing up as myself in every avenue. That has been what defines alignment for me. Yes, I still have bad days, terrible moments, and impatience minutes, but that does not discredit what feels to be true. I am 100% myself in 100% of my moments.

I often think about how I always felt like the odd one out. I moved around so much as a kid and teen. My emotions always felt out of control. I didn’t go the traditional college route. I didn’t land in my career until I was 32. I would find myself comparing my route to everyone else. I had no idea what I wanted to do for so long. Now, though, I own it all, and not in a self-deprecating way. I own it in a way as an encouragement to the little one in me and the person I am looking at who still doesn’t feel like they have arrived at their own version of alignment. And this isn’t to say I am an expert or will not fall out of alignment one day. But it is to say that I get it, and that is why this feeling is extraordinary.

If we are listening carefully to our lives, one day and in a moment, we all get to arrive at our alignment.

I know it is true for myself and I know it is true for you.

 

Namaste & Chicken Pot Pies
xo bre