From Isolation to Justification

Previously posted on TinyLetter

To the wintry hearts,

I mean that welcome both figuratively and literally. While the urge to write over the past week was strong, anxiety about my workload and the world took over. However, what I have been ruminating on is something I posted about on Instagram today – the sermon/talk from Jonathan Martin regarding January 6th. As we know now — a time when a coup was attempted on our Capitol. (Sidebar: could we not just get 24 hours to celebrate Georgia and Stacey Abrams?) I cannot recommend Jonathan’s words enough when speaking on, what he has lovingly termed, “white evangelical neo-fascist Christianity.”

Jonathan spoke to a part of me – perhaps even a part of you – that has felt so isolated. Specifically from family and previously close friendships. Many sane Moons ago, when I began questioning the very fabric of Christianity in America, it was like stepping into a strong current and walking toward it. Any conversation in agreement about these feelings was like using code words and untying knots together. In my closest friendships, though, I would be the only one to challenge thinking, asking questions, and holding court. A lot of those nights left me in tears and so, so confused.

I want neither the scent of victimization to arise nor sympathy in my reflection of those days … because now I feel justified. Jonathan’s words hit at the very core of what I felt but could not verbalize: losing a reputation, but not my soul. I have a feeling I am not alone in this. 

Over four years, there has been an awakening like no other that I can recall. Many of us encountered our fork in the road and felt we had to choose; some of us stayed and waited it out. No matter the decision, we questioned. We created space within ourselves to discern, read, write, speak, ask. I’ll never forget the moment my friend Ebele and I decided we could not stand idly by as 85% of self-proclaimed Evangelicals cast their vote for hate. We created a night within church walls to hold a conversation and figure out the next steps. Out of a congregation of thousands, maybe 20 people showed up. And that is what it has felt like for years but we kept showing up and creating space. Maybe you have done this, too.

Jonathan says, “the rot is at the very core of this movement” or white evangelical neo-fascist Christianity — a sentence I cannot believe I even have to write. For those of us who long-saw this coming, we are not surprised. More importantly, BIPOC and those whose reality does not change depending on who is President or not knew this. Now, even as time goes on and our brains do the beautiful, confusing work of trying to make sense of what we have witnessed, we keep showing up.  Maybe this is projection and I just need to hear this, but friends, no longer do we have to make excuses for what we have known is evil.

Somone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.

It took me years to understand
that this, too, was a gift.

– Mary Oliver, “The Uses of Sorrow”

Like Jonathan, I also have never loved Jesus more. I’ve never loved Martin Luther King, Jr., Deitrich Bonhoeffer, Richard Rohr, and Rachel Held Evans more and gone back to their words more. These are only a few of the people who’ve stepped into the same current and risked a reputation they knew was futile. I still trust in the goodness of the Lord like Joseph did; when he told his brothers their evilness was turned around for good. Because if there’s any hope left in my faith journey, it rests in that. I hope the same for your faith, whatever that may be.

See you in the current.

 

---

Namaste & 90s Music
xo bre